1. Introduction and reflection (5 min)

Introduce the topic and ask a few students to share important lessons learned from the previous lesson.

2. Warming up: my favourite love song (5 min)

Materials

None

Aim

1. Students share their associations with ‘love’ to start off the lesson.

How

1. All students sit or stand in a circle.
2. Invite each student to say what their favourite music or artist is and why. One or more students may sing their favourite song.

Wrap Up

Conclude with the following: “Most songs we know are about love, intimacy and sexuality. Thinking about a love song, you can get a warm feeling and become aware of the way you think about love, and also about attraction or sexuality. In this lesson we will explore these topics of love and sexuality.”

3. Presentation: Love, Sex and Sexuality (30 min)

Materials

Presentation 'Love, sex and sexuality'
If needed, paper based version: Worksheet: 'what does it mean?' + sheet with answers

Aim

1. Students understand the meaning of sex, sexuality and sexual feelings, and the role these play in their lives;
2. Students know different ways young people can enjoy a loving relationship with and without having sexual intercourse;
3. Students are aware that all human beings have sexual urge, but they have to consciously decide upon the way to deal with it. They have 3 choices: abstaining (level 1), doing different sexual activities but no intercourse (level 2) or level 3: having protected intercourse using condoms.
4. Students know of the major issues young people face in determining if they want to abstain, or if they decide not to, when and why they decide to have a sexual relationship with someone and to which level of intimacy;
5. Students are aware of some myths concerning sexuality and get to know the evidence.

How

1. Students read the presentation in pairs. The presentation includes some discussion points which students should address before continuing with the next slides.
2. You can use the worksheet ‘What does it mean?’ if you want students to do this exercise individually on paper (instead of in their groups behind the computer as the game is part of the presentation). See ‘tools’.
3. The presentation covers the following topics. You can reflect on a few of them after students have gone through the presentation:
   - What is sexuality and sex and what are sexual feelings?
   - Being in love and having a relationship;
   - Different strategies to cope with sexual desires and urge;
   - Levels of intimacy of different sexual acts;
   - What is healthy sex?
   - Myths about sex and gender-based misconceptions about sex;
   - Virginity, masturbation and homosexuality.

Teacher Tip

1. Make sure that you talk about ‘sexual arousal and urge’ in a way that makes it clear to students that they still have a choice in how to act on these feelings; they don’t have to respond to them by having sex. Sexual urge is a biological drive, caused by hormones and the urge to reproduce. However, we can choose (with our minds) if we want to act on this or not.
2. ‘Sexual urge’ is something different from ‘sexual desire’. The urge is biological, desire is more relational and about the longing to be together. We choose to use the word ‘sexual urge’ as a main concept because it makes clear that this drive is biological and natural and should be decided upon.

Wrap Up

Conclude with a short reflection on the core messages of the presentation.

You can tell students: “We learned that sexuality, sexual intercourse and having sex are not the same things. You can share intimacy in all kind of ways; non-sexual or having sex with or without sexual intercourse. Sexuality is much more than just having sex and becoming sexually active is a big decision; you need to be ready for it as well as your partner.

There are three ways to deal with your sexual feelings, desires and urge and to share intimacy with a partner: The Big Three Choices Choice 1: Abstain from sexual contact, sharing intimacy in a non-sexual way.
Choice 2: Different sexual activities to delay sexual intercourse.
Choice 3: Condom use, i.e. using a condom when having sexual intercourse

4. Presentation: Step by step (20 min)

Material

Presentation: 'Step by step' + R U ready test
Worksheet: R U ready test (paper)

Aim

1. Students learn how to share intimacy in different ways, including alternatives for having sexual intercourse;
2. Students learn that you can become more intimate with each other step by step and define which intimacy level they are ready for;
3. Students are aware that they need to take into account their own limits and needs, as well as their partner’s: only have consensual sex
4. Students learn that you should only start having sex when you are ready, well-informed and prepared.

How

1. Presentation (15 min)
   1. Students read the presentation in small groups.
   2. In the presentation students perform several exercises (first individually and then in their group) to explore ways of being intimate, and define their own wishes and limits;
2. R U Ready test (5 min)
   1. At the end of the presentation, they carry out the paper R U Ready Test individually which helps students to explore whether they are ready for sexual intercourse. If the worksheet can’t be printed out, they can just read the questions from the screen and answer them individually in their Top tip Peer Book.

Wrap Up

Conclude with a short reflection on the core messages of the presentation: "There are many things you can do to be intimate with each other. This can be non-sexual, sexual or by having intercourse.
- People may differ in what they think is intimate and what not.
- People also differ in what activities they would like to do to share intimacy.

That means that people have different preferences, wishes and boundaries. And not everybody is ready for the same sexual activity. You should decide for yourself how far you want to go, ask your partner the level of intimacy they are ready for and stick to your own wishes and boundaries, while respecting those of others."

Teacher Tips

We advise to let students do the exercises and the RU Ready Test individually instead of in pairs. This way it may be easier for them to answer the questions and decide for themselves how intimate they would like to be and if they are ready for sex, instead of adjusting their needs and limits to the peer norm

You might give them the opportunity afterwards to discuss the exercises with somebody they trust in order to encourage them to openly talk about sex as this is a precondition for healthy relationships.

5. Activity: Storyboard-Communicating your wishes and limits (20 min)

Materials

- Worksheet Storyboard case 1
- Worksheet storyboard case 2
- Worksheet storyboard case 3
- Tip sheet: communication about wishes and limits
- Sheet with solutions to 'storyboard communicating wishes and limits'

Choose if you want students to do the storyboard on paper or on the computer. The files are the same, but if you want to do it on paper, you should print out the worksheets, for every group of students, 1 worksheet.

Aim

1. Students learn to negotiate with their partner or lover about (not) having sex;
2. Students learn to keep to their own limits, while respecting those of their partners. For many girls the emphasis will lie on indicating their limits/wishes, while for many boys the emphasis might be on checking limits/wishes that girls have, but it can of course be the other way around;
3. Students recognise that boys and girls can have different expectations about sex, love and relationships. There should be open communication about these expectations;
4. Students reject pressurising someone into having sex.

How

1. Either print out the Worksheets of the Storyboard, or have students work on the computer using the Word program.
2. Students work in groups of three or four.
3. The worksheet tells the student to follow the steps which tell them exactly what to do.
4. You divide the cases 1, 2 and 3 equally between the student pairs. Each group has to complete one case.
5. The students read their allocated case.
6. Tell them to read the tips on communicating about wishes and limits in a relationship regarding sexual activities or sexual intercourse (this is also explained to the students on the worksheet).Each case has a description of the issue that needs to be addressed and describes the required negotiating.
7. They have to use the negotiating skills they learned in order to fill in the blank bubbles relating to one of the peers in the storyboard.
8. When the students are finished filling in the blank bubbles, each group shares their conversation in plenary.
9. After sharing the conversations, you compare their story to a possible solution for the case discussed. This can serve as a model. Give the students feedback on their performance. Please find the document with the solutions also under 'Tools,Games & Material'.
10. Have a brief discussion about the challenges for boys and girls in communicating their wishes and limits, how this is linked to gender roles and what could be possible solutions.

Wrap Up

You can tell the students that keeping to their own limits and wishes and respecting those of their partner is very important. Their relationship will grow and they will be able to respect and enjoy each other more. It may not always be easy to negotiate and communicate on this, but practice makes perfect.

6. Lesson Wrap Up

Conclude the lesson with the following:
"In this lesson you have learned that sexuality is something special, and so much more than having intercourse. You discovered that you have to decide for yourself if you are ready or not, and if you are, to what level, so you can live a happy and healthy sexual life.

We have elaborated on three options you can choose from in order to avoid unplanned and unsafe sex: 1. Abstinence, 2. Different sexual acts as an alternative for sexual intercourse and 3. Condom use during sexual intercourse. If you make your own choice beforehand, it will be much easier to discuss this with your partner and stick to it. This way you can enjoy sex without being afraid of negative consequences such as guilt, disappointment and regret, or unintended pregnancies, STIs and HIV!"

Homework: Happy and healthy (5 min)

Aim

Students personalize the three-options-advice by choosing one option that fits their own needs best and by inventing solutions for possible challenges they might face.

How

1. Tell students to think which of the three options they would like to choose as the most suitable strategy for themselves:
   Option 1. Abstinence,
   Option 2. Sexual contact: Different sexual acts as an alternative to sexual intercourse and
   Option 3. If you have sexual intercourse, using condoms when doing so.
2. Then tell them to think of one challenge they might face with their chosen option and to give two solutions for this.
3. Also ask them to add the person they might talk to about this topic to their support circle and to write in their Top Tip Peer Book the lessons learned from this lesson.